“I have learned that you can go anywhere you want to go and do anything you want to do and buy all the things that you want to buy and meet all the people that you want to meet and learn all the things that you desire to learn and if you do all these things but are not madly in love: you have still not begun to live.”― C. JoyBell C.
Life is something to learn about what you did and about what will you do. Sometimes you just need something to do without any affirmations. Some people might say “life when you were young and live it up with full of colors” yeah there’s nothing wrong with it. You only need to be brave to take all the risks.
“You don’t need to hear other opinions, you don’t need to hear your parents, sister, brother, friends, and your advisor. You only do what would you do! — oh damn it! What did I say?” whispering from your ego in early 20's.
Your ego will say “ oh yooo! Just do what you wanna do, don’t let them destroy your dream” some people might be can relate to what happened inside my brain when I was young. But now I know, and I do realize that I JUST DONT WANT TO GO BACK TO FIX ALL THE THINGS I DID because it was useless.
I have a dream to build my own life, away from family as want to be an independent daughter/ girl and get my master’s aboard, and living with my scenario. But there’s another wisdom say to me “ if you wanna go just go and please, if you wanna get your master abroad, just go, if you wanna go away from us, just go, but don’t ever come back again… you may be an independent daughter, is it make me happy and proud of you?” and the answer is “NO”, so I bury it deep and forget it all. When your dream is against your nature, the first thing to do is you need to chose which one is the most important for your life, your dream, or your family. Yes, will choose my mom to be bear with me. She knows me from the first day I was living. I know it is hard for me to accept it but now I know and understand about there’s no boundary love from the family within. Time is going and now I’m in my late 20’s, and I’m happy to have a strong family as my support system.
Thus for me, everything you did in your life is the right thing, if yesterday was so awful, what you need to do is learn from it and keep going. You couldn’t make a plan to meet “THE RIGHT PERSON / THE WRONG PERSON” in your life, where you were born and your family. You also couldn’t choose your first job because you are not a God who can plan all these things, maybe not all the person can relate to this sentence, whether you may agree or no.
My latest 20’s taught me many things for my improvement, I never regret that I just skipped my happy time, my teenage dream, and my quality time with the special one. I need to be more have colors in my life, I need to be more explore something that I love and something about the unknown. As being said, I JUST CAN’T RELATE WITH SOMETHING CLINGY as I have been super busy planning my own life.
You can be a pilot for your own life, don’t regret it, all is good and all happened for a reason. So this is my theory of happiness for now;
- It’s ok, if you don’t have a memory of your past with your special one — at that time because you don’t need to grieve for so long to keep remember the hurting in your life. After all, the relationship didn’t work out as a plan.
- It’s ok tho, if your 17's just passed and nothing special on it because you were busy learning and get the best score in the class because you are on the next level to pursue your happiness.
- It’s ok if your first job didn’t fit you at the first time, but it will thrive you to another amazing journey that you need to learn more and more
- It’s very ok, if you can’t explore more about hiking, climbing, or going wild because you have your place to live with your world, you don’t need any affirmation from others, only you and your inner peace.
Overall it’s ok if you wanna do whatever you will do, don’t try to be someone else to get all eyes or attention for nothing.
Then, If I have a daughter one day, I will tell her, don’t follow me as your super role model because I made a lot of mistakes and was not perfect enough. I have many insecurities living in me, so you don’t need to be me and be more tough enough to live your life.